KAMASUTRA ITEM GIRL

In news for her recent nudie photo-shoots for Playboy, she was pointedly ignored by some top heroines since she had come to Canne film festival. After days of seeing through the her and smirking at her dubious ‘actor’ talents, one of them suggested (quiet meanly) that maybe the patakha item girl and desi play boy bunny had mistakenly read her Porn’s invite as Cannes’. After all ‘such’ non-actors can’t be invited to the prestigious Canne….there must be a mistake!! Well turns out there was NOT. The irritated posh girls turned meaner turning up their pretty noses (as only Indian women can brrrr) at the ‘half caste’ stunner blatantly refusing photo-ops with the her. For the controversial item girl the message was clear. Stay out of the way of the REAL stars and lie low, lower than the roaches. She lay low, till it was payback time. The item girl walked the glittering red carpet with a smile and little else. Draped in a transparent black dress her black brassiere peeping (enough to make the hard core blush) and a heavy choker neckpiece the desi Playboy Bunny left little to imagination when she walked Cannes red carpet dressed every bit as raunchy as her kamasutra poses in her film inspired by Kamasutra. Pictures of her splashed in Parisian papers they had to sit up and notice. So while a certain ex beauty queen and former top heroine looked like a well fed greek goddess and another super talented actress a Kolkata auntyji, she left everyone gobsmacked with her toned body. And Cmon.. as some hens clucked.. at least she had a film to show at Canne !! 4D kamasutra anyone?!

HAR EK FRIEND KAMINA HOTA HAI

There is a taaza new entry to the Mumbai tagda paisa-waali aunty club, populated by richie rich producers’ and biggie stars’ shined to perfection wives(never a wrinkle dare darken their splendid smooth visage). Now the swish women are not ready to let the interloper, lets call her Switty (yes sweety but like tzhat!), into their ozoned existence but the behenji-turned babe from Punjab will not take no for an answer. The cruel A lister swish women are having a ball at her expense making fun of her english, calling her everything from wannabe behenji to all agriculture but no culture variety and some rather below the skirt expletives about the age disparity between her and her distributor husband. Well Switty Aunty is nothing if not Focussed.

She believes she had the mega-moolah and that alone gives her right to be part of the hip gang. Switty thought she just needed to break the ice somewhat so she sent expensive chased silver invites to diamond-dripping card parties and mehendi ceremonies at swanky watering holes and baby showers and baby fashion shows with sparkling kids on display at the plushest restro-bars, the most exclusive night clubs.

She even had a dog shows, a Halloween party at an A-list discotheques, till one of the Bombay waali rich and swish auntie set bitched on twitter that she sweared she heard Switty say that  Halloween had something to do with ‘Jessus’.  Whell it so happened that the behneji from Punjab who happened to be following all of them ladies on twitter( they actually dint imagine her to be ‘hip’enough to be on twitter) read every bitchy tweet about her and her icecream making and pastry-making competitions!! So what did our Switty do? She laid low for some time and came back with such a whopper revenge that axed her harassers in one swift blow! We also got the invite ..to her ‘goodluck at Cannes party!!’. Yes we too are gobsmacked !! Mrs Switty has been invited to the Canne film festival courtesy her husband’s film. Last heard the swish A lister aunties are scrambling for invites to the do.