BOLLYWOOD WRAP !

She is the Golden Girl of Bollywood but even Deepika Padukone knows that the formula to a super successful career is to work with super successful stars...

Salman Khan is one of them and perhaps thats where her future lies. and I also met with Kareena Kapoor Khan who may go throyugh her ups and downs but one thing is always constant her ability to tell it like it is or rather as she sees it... and while most people can just dish it out but not take it... Kareena proved the rather refreshing exception to the rule as she very willingly accpeted some counsel from her new career counsellor Anurag Kashyap...

FAMOUS FOR BEING FAMOUS

When you think about it this skinny celeb is really famous for being famous. She is a regular at most parties but its funny how she refuses to touch her meal at every do. And god forbid if some delectable morsel happens to finds its way into her rosebud mouth she excuses herself to rush to the bathroom and re-emerged looking redder and sweaty (as if she has just vomited you know the two fingers shoved into her gullet but shhhh !).

 Discreet waiters are quietly instructed to carry off her left-over grub away. The rumor on the street is that she’s found a favorite up-and-comer to hang out with. The problem with the new friend is that he is underage, although no stranger to trouble.

The celeb is not a very good influence and has got the kid back into drugs, wild partying and running with a dangerous crowd. The friendship was originally cooked up to boost the fame for both involved and now has developed into a destructive cycle for each.

PIG. PERIOD

This is a powerful and famous star (and supremely egoistic star) known around the world. He keeps busy and he keeps his lawyers even busier. This summer he got his team to prevent a media story concerning a talked-about woman and a member of his family, then he blocked the publication of pictures of the inside of one of his houses. Despite his claims on being on being royal and loyal(he is neither) OR as it turns out neither is he particularly hygienic. Cleaning up after this star is a NIGHTMARE for the hoteliers who house him in his frequent trips. The fact that he tips generously keeps the lid on the damage he does which actually is pretty bad, HEAR THIS AND DON'T PUKE ...broken bottles filled with strange concoctions of those kinds, kinky lingerie of both sexes, half-sucked barley sugar sticks stuck under bed mattress, hotel food mysteriously thrown under the bed, cigarettes stubbed out on expensive carpeted floors ...and used condoms anywhere and everywhere. All that money on stylists and pr -- what about one nice teacher on hygiene? 

SHAHRUKH 'S LUNATIC LUNGI DANCE

And HE can yo yo too ! And here is the proof. Now this is NOT music to a certain Vishal Shekhar's ears - who are mighty pissed that YO YO got a back door entry into their express!

So when we quizzed them Vishal hung up with a terse “Talk to Red Chillies guys” before hanging up! Looks like the fact that Honey Singh is being roped in is a really sore point for the composers. Apparently King Khan felt that Chennai express soundtrack lacked that verve which would connect with the youth( OUCH VISHAL-SHEKHAR !!)

Is the Lunatic Lungi dance -- just the punjabi tadka missing in the south Indian dish ?!!
‘the lyrics : Moocho ko thoda round ghumaake, anna ke jaise chashma lagaake, coconut me lassi milaake. All the Rajni fans, don’t miss the chance’

MOVE ON LADY

She is not getting any younger. The actress (an egoistic wife of a big star) known at one time for her incredible talent and equally formidable temper tantrums is feeling rather lost. While her older peers (with perfect family lives and kids thank you) have managed enviable comebacks, she has only managed to piss people off with her rude attitude. She is ruing her past behaviour (with some B list directors who have become A list) but it’s a bit too late in the day. The talented actress had refused some good roles (one even went to her cousin) claiming the roles were not perfect for her. Of course she made it a point to bitch to everyone within an earshot that the roles were first offered to her. Her superstar co-actors have moved on to younger and fresher ladies. And sadly even the veneer of a perfect family picture (which she was hiding behind) has been cracking for some time. She canNOT be aware of people snickering behind her back so she avoids the parties, not that she is being called to the really happening ones. Her husband’s fallout with a superstar did not win her any brownie points. Though she is still young but her big ego stops her from really going out and getting roles with meat. She stubbornly won’t go to them and the roles won’t come to her and though she would laugh out loud and sarcastically but her life has hit a big fat black hole. After all that much of pilates and treadmill can start jarring and one needs to do something more. Quick advice to her at:

1. FORGET sexy heroine roles

2. LET GO the A list superstars to those little girls (what do they know!)

3. EAT your ego for dinner

4. DO roles which do justice to that incredibly raw talent within you. 

HER ‘STALKER’ FAN

She is still reeling from the shock of it. This beautiful actress cannot forget the feeling of utter helplessness and rage when she was almost groped publicly in a mall. The ‘maniac’ as she calls him had tried to get friendly at a press conference and mistaking her friendly gestures as something 'more' the obsessed man started stalking her at city events. She had not noticed him at first and then when he was pointed out she thought he was just a harmless fan albeit a touch zealous. Till the ‘harmless’ fan turned out to be anything but! It happened at a mall when after a media photo-op she was signing some fans’ autographs when she felt someone standing too close to her. She looked up to see the strange bulky man(her harmless fan!) close enough to touch her face and when she signaled to her PR in alarm, the ‘fan’ smiled at her and moved out but only after casually touching her hairn she swears. The actress stood frozen in the spot and was terribly shaken at the security lapse, but she is miffed at reports that the man posing as a media-person was spotted trying to get hold of her private number. The fallout of the incident is that the actress still terrified over the incident has put her foot down against attending any events at malls as she has absolutely no intention to put herself in a similar situation any time soon.  

PATI PATNI AUR WOH

She goes blue in the face denying her marriage is not on the rocks but sources close to her say that her shaadi is only on paper now(and that too not for long). The actress had been sighted at a city court recently which sent tongues wagging on the formal beginning of the end but she denied all the ‘stupid’ rumours as ‘jealous heartburn’ claiming her married life was all paradise. Perhaps snakes have sneaked into her Eden, or contrarily she may have bitten the forbidden apple (once toooo often some bitchy people insist) because things are definitely amiss.

Some say she(having seen the writing on the wall) may be going down the route of another prominent actress who got herself an incredibly rich beau with a penchant for gifting her obscenely expensive rings, but never on the ‘right’ finger. Now this actress has also been seen in the company of a very (VERY!!!) rich man, albeit married. But then since when has that little technicality stood in the way of a smoking hot affair.  Heard that Mr moneybag’s richie rich wifey gets pretty annoyed at the mention of the actress’s name but has conveyed to all and sundry that ‘girls like her come and go’ but her man will come back to her. Incidentally wifey also has controlling shares in some of his important buisness stakes. So if the actress is looking for any permanence in her new relation, she may have some real cause for worry.

HER DOUBLE JEOPARDY

Its no secret this smoking hot entry into Bollywood has been seen in the company of a dashing superstar, who has an eye for pretty young things. Problem is she is also formed a deep connection (the kind other than professional they swear) with a director known for his noir films. Lately the director has taken to flying off the handle at the mention of the name of the young superstar. Insiders say the director has been made aware of the actress’s ‘dalliances’ so that he would stop making a fool of himself over her. But such is his addiction to the young hottie that instead of cutting off from the girl the director has given an ultimatum to the girl to ‘stop seeing’ the superstar actor accusing her of becoming lazy, uninterested and distracted from work. No one needs to spell it out that can kiss the meaty roles he had promised her in his new film goodbye if she continues her dalliance. The young girl is shocked as she has been attending acting and voice training workshops suggested by the director himself to prepare her for the grand role and does not want to jeopardize her ‘special connection’ with the famous director. Nor does she want to endanger her ‘true friendship’ with the superstar actor as she says has ‘selflessly helped her’ in making her feel at home in a city which was completely new to her. Our heart goes out to the poor lassie, really hoping the cherub faced stunner finds a way out of her entanglements.

 

CASTING 'OUCH'

There are hush hush whispers linking him to two of his much-older co-stars (one of them married). This dishy young and upcoming star has meanwhile quietly gone out and found himself a new and very young and very rich girlfriend. She, the daughter of a diamond merchant, has considerable funds and leads a lavish lifestyle. Her much married father has bought a slew of talent-management and events company is himself linked to a prominent yesteryears actress. The young heiress now wants a glitzy filmy career of her own and we hear her moneybags father is willing to fund if this young actor stars opposite her. But the actor's little fling has not gone unnoticed by either of his older co-stars. While one of the ladies is happy playing the ignoramus (rumours say she is herself playing the field) the other powerful actress has threatened the young upcoming actor in no uncertain terms to stop his little fling or else. The actor is nervous as he does not want to upset the older actress who has powerful contacts with big producers and many say is his ticket to several meaty projects (but they are mostly in multi-starrer films) but also feels he needs this big solo debut. Now the word on the street is that the temperamental richie rich girl friend has become extremely possessive of her boyfriend and has loudly claimed that she would ''teach that buddhi a lesson'' when she meets her next time. Caught between the powerful older actress and the younger daughter of a powerful man the actor is having sleepless nights. The actor is being pressed to decide on the matter before an ugly public spat happens.

HER SHADY PAST

For stars to launch their sons and daughters and all sorts of relatives is but fait accompli in Bollywood. This stunning superstar with an enviable track record at the box office despite her laughable dialogue deliveries and average acting abilities is hell-bent on launching her pretty sister in a Hindi film with a ‘respectable’ star. Now, lil sister did have an unintentional soft launch of sorts, in the form of a no-holds barred MMS clip with a firangi porn star. The MMS clip became quite a hit on the net. The superstar big sister went blue in the face claiming that-girl-is-not-my-sister-but-someone-who-looks-like-her, not that anyone is buying. Now big sister is nothing of not focused. So the gorgeous superstar has now taken to pressing on her immensely powerful superstar boyfriend to deal with the matter just like he did with her old follies from her desperate starlet waala days( like getting that Bollywood baddie's nose stuck in her cleavage type crass scenes chopped from her film, etecetras) Nobody talks about it in front of her but everybody whispers behind her back about lots of arm twisting and pots of money. Now with little sister’s shady past catching up with her the superstarni is scared of all the badnaami lest it has a fallout on her new relation with a young superstar from a blue blooded Bollywood family. Now serious attempts

are being made to BUY the lil sister's shocking footage from the dubious films (yup she did several) before they make their way into the market. Rumour has it she will do whatever it takes to hide the shady pasts, but as they say, skeletons have a way of coming out of the closet.

WHAT AILS 'JALEBI BAI'

Jalebi Bai astonishes us beyond belief. No its not her crude raunchy dance moves this time motor mouth Mallika Sherawat has left us stupefied with her bizarre utterings. The barely clad damsel at Cannes (no less!) went against her own country hammer and tongs calling India a 'repressive' society for women. She also expressed deep angst claiming to be 'depressed' being an Indian woman!! In a heavy accent Mallika passionately claimed to be the first Indian actress to 'kiss' as well as 'wear a bikini' on screen. Which, she said made her 'instantly' a 'fallen woman' and a 'superstar'. Now the Murder girl’s utterings have deeply offended superstar Priyanka Chopra. Priyanka has expressed deep annoyance at Mallika’s comments which she feels is an 'extreme misrepresentation of India'.  So while Mallika feels that women in India are at the bottom of the society we wonder which India is the once-married Haryana girl from an ultra-conservative Jatt family referring to?? This is the same Mallika who was accused of running away to America when her scandalous MMS went viral on the net. The case of the 'depressed' and 'repressed' Jalebi Bai gets even more curious as Mallika Sherawat is set to wed a 'repressive' Indian man in a new reality TV show!!  Miss Mallika is searching for an Indian groom in a new reality shaadi show (aka Rakhi Sawant etc ) don’t ask why but ways of the mallika only mallika knows. Or Maybe Repression pays better? Yeah Mallika?

SHAHRUKH GETS PUNCHED BY DEEPIKA!

She will break your nose....Smash your head ....Tear your clothes!! Hell hath no fury like the stunning Deepika on a comeback trail. Deepika (The old) is DEAD. Long Live Deepika.

Now don't you shed those nostalgic tears for the 'seedhi saadhi' dainty that was just yet luverlies... coz this dabang diva hates tears too. Take a dekho at footage Shah Rukh Khan getting smacked on the face by Deepika. The actress happily proceeds to break a bottle on macho man Rohit Shetty's head. Chalo agreed the lovely lady has proved her deadly point but what’s the 'real' point of this hyperactivity?   

Is it to do with the new super smart and ''secret'' career advisor she has found?? C’mon now ...from making a fool of herself mooning over a public breakup with the hottest superstar to a girl who is able to scoff at love with 'main ..tum pe marti thee?' lines....hmmm so who is behind this interesting makeover. While some of you are clapping on Deepika's perfectly timed image reinvention from the gharelu gaai to girl-who-can-kick-some-serious-arse.......well........rumour has it that the lovely lady is being advised by a ''powerful bollywood film-maker'' who has taken it on himself to help the pretty girl reinvent herself in a delicious new avtaar. In deepika's carreer it’s a watershed moment. So while the lovely Katrina is stuck in glamorous-but-pls-excuse-the-crap-acting rutt, hottie Priyanka has a lot of baggage with star wives guning for her, and the blindingly gorgeous (and married) Kareena is stuck in not so madly exciting roles, it IS Deepika's time. Can you believe it She has finally got it! So yeah get on the train baby. 

KAMASUTRA ITEM GIRL

In news for her recent nudie photo-shoots for Playboy, she was pointedly ignored by some top heroines since she had come to Canne film festival. After days of seeing through the her and smirking at her dubious ‘actor’ talents, one of them suggested (quiet meanly) that maybe the patakha item girl and desi play boy bunny had mistakenly read her Porn’s invite as Cannes’. After all ‘such’ non-actors can’t be invited to the prestigious Canne….there must be a mistake!! Well turns out there was NOT. The irritated posh girls turned meaner turning up their pretty noses (as only Indian women can brrrr) at the ‘half caste’ stunner blatantly refusing photo-ops with the her. For the controversial item girl the message was clear. Stay out of the way of the REAL stars and lie low, lower than the roaches. She lay low, till it was payback time. The item girl walked the glittering red carpet with a smile and little else. Draped in a transparent black dress her black brassiere peeping (enough to make the hard core blush) and a heavy choker neckpiece the desi Playboy Bunny left little to imagination when she walked Cannes red carpet dressed every bit as raunchy as her kamasutra poses in her film inspired by Kamasutra. Pictures of her splashed in Parisian papers they had to sit up and notice. So while a certain ex beauty queen and former top heroine looked like a well fed greek goddess and another super talented actress a Kolkata auntyji, she left everyone gobsmacked with her toned body. And Cmon.. as some hens clucked.. at least she had a film to show at Canne !! 4D kamasutra anyone?!

BADTAMEEZ HEROINE

She has several super hits behind her, courtesy the A lister actors who carried the film on their shoulders. But this star daughter, who loves to mention her family connections at the drop of a hat and looks older than her twenty something years, has developed such a massive Diva - Complex which could put Paris Hilton to shame!! After modelling herself on the 'perfect Indian woman' prototype the well-endowed Bollywood’s bharatiya nari has taken to looking down on anyone in a short skirt or a bikini (rumour has it she is not allowed to wear either as papa dear knows the ways of the big bad industry). Fresh dictates that her staff suffix a reverential 'JI'  (when they interact with her) amuses us but what gets our goat is that she has started looking down on other actresses who are not as 'pedigreed' . At this glitzy event when this diva star daughter discovered that she was supposed to share the stage with a talented young (though famously hyper strung) actress she got miffed beyond belief and stubbornly she refused to step out of her vanity van. The star daughter was very irritated that the organizers had not 'warned' her that she would be sharing the stage with 'that' actress.

The organizers pleaded with the angry young actress to relent as her name had been announced on stage but the star daughter ji would simply not budge. Matters came to a head when she lost her cool and threw a terrible tantrum and inadvertently even let out the infamous 'Don't-you-know-I-am-a-Superstar' line' and 'you-know-who-my-father-is-naa' ! Facing public humiliation the disgusted organizers finally made frantic calls to her papa 'ji' . But Papa ji proved to be more stubborn than Beti ji. In the midst of all this tamasha the star daughter left the venue without meeting anyone. We think a lesson in humility, dollops of good manners , maybe a finishing school on 'tameez' (surely papa ji can afford?) would help the otherwise nice girl to become the perfect bharatiya nari she claims to be.  

SUNNY VS VEENA

This scandalous import from across the border obviously does not like it Sunny side up! Though Pakistani actress and item girl Veena Malik’s smoking hot moves may be causing even her most hard core fans to cringe in discomfort Veena has accused the hottie port star Sunny of being a 'publicity hungry hound' and ready to do 'anything' for money. That she herself has done more than just shaking her booty in fishnet stockings and little else and has even managed to get a charge filed against her for defaming Pakistan and ISI by doing a semi-nude photo shoot for an Indian magazine is obviously a lesser crime in than what 'that porn star' does for a living. On being quizzed about how she feels on Sunny Leone becoming the hottest in demand flavor after her too hot for Indian television 'Laila' item number in Shootout at Wadala, which made Priyanka Chopra appear virginal in Babli Badmash and even hottie Sophie Chaudhary's hard core moves paled in comparison, Veena simply turns up her nose. Veena hotly says you cannot compare her to Sunny Leone who is a porn star. But  Veena Malika won’t mind if you compare her with Katrina Kaif who is also 'like her' a serious model turned actress from abroad who has come to Mumbai to make her mark.

ACTRESS MOBBED

Despite her ‘friends with benefits’ equation with Salman Khan and a dream debut opposite him this Katrina Kaif look-a-like has not managed to make any headway in Bollywood. While she is still invited to perform at award shows, courtesy her ‘connections’, Zarine Khan has to depend totally on her mentor and his buddy’s for role handouts. The good thing is she seems to be in demand in the small town circuit for special appearances which the girl reportedly has to depend on to fund her rather expensive needs. This time the actress had a scary experience which left her shaking to her well-manicured toenails. In Bhopal to cut the ribbon of a store the actress arrived at the scheduled 2 pm time and was supposed to leave by 3.15 flight back to Mumbai. But once the launch was over which actually took just fifteen minutes the crowds gathered at the store refused to move calling out the actress’s name again and again.

When Zarine refused to go out to make an appearance (as that was not part of the deal) the crowd of men (some local strongmen) got miffed and the cheers changed to catcalls and wolf whistles and unmentionable expletives. The ruckus got so bad that the nervous security guards of the shop could just about prevent the insistent men from barging into the store. Even worse with just about half an hour to make it to the airport the actress became very nervous and had an exchange of words with the owners for putting her in this scary predicament and insisted they call the cops. But the owners (apparently not wanting to involve the cops who they said would take money) offered the poor girl cold drinks and requested her to smile and pose at the men standing outside. The tamasha continued for some more time till the actress finally agreed to come out and as directed, Zarine greeted everyone and requested them to clear the way so that she could leave to catch her flight but was only allowed to go to her waiting car after she said a few dialogues and shook hands. Surrounded by an excited group of men screaming out her name the actress when finally in the car started shivering and howling. She missed her flight but apparently she is more pissed at reports that the organisers were in cahoots with the men and the tamasha was staged to get more publicity. 

WHAT GOES AROUND

She is very nervous and irritable nowadays if you quiz her about him. She has reason to be. This beautiful actress’s current boyfriend (a very successful and talented star) is now bum chumming with his stunning ex who (its comman knowledge) still has the hots for him. The beautiful actress is well aware of her boyfriend’s philandering ways having herself benefitted from his roving eye when he(enjoying his jawani to the hilt) was still seeing his ex ! But listen to this.  Despite her choc a bloc schedule, the beautiful actress is looking for bizzare reasons to land up at the sets of the film which her current is shooting with his ex. Over garam chai bitchy insiders and jealous friends are recalling the not so distant past when this same actress was caught slyly seeing the unfaithful ex when he was still in a serious relationship with his now ex!! Errr complicated naa? But then isn’t love always that, or its not worth talking about. But there is trouble in paradise since the beautiful actress, who is also approaching a certain age is now persistently demanding serious commitment and is most unhappy with the exes getting friendly again. While the deewani stunner who has much matured since her pehla pehla khumaar wala craze can be seen basking in the attention of her ex and is positively glowing with don’t ask me what! The two are spending long hours on the sets together but the candid photops released for public (yes her too) consumption always has the two at ‘safe’ distance, not even making eye contact!! Obviously the possessive girlfriend is not convinced and

it’s a big big fight waiting to happen.

BAAP RE BAAP

Even before his first film is out this non-photogenic star kid (psst they are still kids at 45 naa but this one is bonafide bachha) …so chalo he has spent crores(of his papa’s hard earned maal) on his personal styling. He is still far from photogenic but then indulgent yesteryear red blooded superstar Papa, with plenty of dough, will do whatever it takes for his darling ‘jigad ka tukra’. So star baba capped his teeth lost his spring chicken cheeks surgically and almost overnight acquired a V shaped body which stunned his friends. And now his hair has gone noticeably thicker. On how the limpy hair acquired a life of their own his new set of lips are sealed. His jealous friend bitched behind his back that star baba is looking so different he is now having to get new set of obviously designer pictures, clicked for his car and passport. Papa has now made it very clear to the director that:

‘I don’t want a cute film. I don’t care for godly talent. Just make me a monster hit.. and my son a superstar. The whole bollywood is rooting for him— he roared !’ and is dictating the cast opposite his son.

The director let out the truth on the not very photogenic star kid’s prospect  

‘What the sad pathetic joke—he looks bad from every angle—except A VERY long shot!’

Chalo so …the director was sent knocking at the door of a top stunning actress(star baba’s favourite actress) to do a dhamaakedaar item number in the film but the actress wanted an unheard of obscene amount of money to fob them off. The director gagged but on the star struck insistence Papa has agreed and the top actress is now in a dilemma.  

BY HOOK OR BY CROOK

‘I can tell you IT’S A the great idea. Just this I have a great great red hot idea. I will tell you my idea just let me get hold of the ****’s script’ 

This is how every conversation worth a dollar is starting in Bollywood to say. Everyone wants an in into this maha film being adapted from the ‘golden’ script of this author who achieved almost overnight success(dont ask me how).
Chalo…so a mega film with a mega cast is being prepared already billed a super-duper-blockbuster. The author is neck deep in personal invites from superstars thirsting for a role. Dont ask me who but this top heroine, known for her thumkas, has been non-stop on the phone with the author trying to call him to her personal soirees. The author though flattered is also being courted by a rival camp and does not have the gumption to say no to anyone. The thing is the author has personal favourites, a handsome top actor and talented masaledaar actress who he thinks will do complete justice to the roles. But Mr moneybags producer, who is not on speaking terms with either,  has made it clear that the buck starts and stops with him. The author is now being politely told that he should be happy(and thankful) that his name will feature prominently in the credits. The shit thing is that the poor author is facing the flak. Last heard a top actress bitching….  

‘I sent my secy to him he sent her back with a note scribbled ‘forget it’ its my film no one tells me forget it! Do kaudi ka writer frigging off his rocker ,.he just does not acknowledge the letters I send him—

HAR EK PRODUCER KAMINA HOTA HAI

She is talented, stunning and equally volatile actress. An A list star had the hots for her and maamla got so serious that star’s equally fiery biwi lost it and made sure the actress lost out on plum projects and never worked with her hubby again. Don’t ask me how but her e mail account was recently hacked with half her friends getting nasty emails before it was shut down. But I digress. So while ‘He’ is out grazing on new and fresh pastures, the emotionally strung and pissed of actress has gone positively flaky with outlandish demands for her latest film. 

Miss Heroine is demanding that the Moneybags producer, who is a friend of her ‘Ex’, should book her into a nearby suburban luxury hotel so she can get her beauty sleep. But the skinflint producer is not giving her the time of the day. Stay with the rest of the cast on the set or in your van – He hollered at her in front of the crew! And this has left the heroine fuming and extremely displeased. She is bitching to everyone about the producers’ battle with the bulge laced with unprintable expletives. The actress is complaining that she has to shoot at night and cant sleepin the days because its noisy outside and alleged she had some peeping toms scaring her. So she wants her family to be put in with her in a luxury suite. Needless to say the producer threw her demand out and told her to deal with it. The actress is shocked since she has come to know that another heroine had been provided luxury hotel accommodation by the same producer.