FAMOUS FOR BEING FAMOUS

When you think about it this skinny celeb is really famous for being famous. She is a regular at most parties but its funny how she refuses to touch her meal at every do. And god forbid if some delectable morsel happens to finds its way into her rosebud mouth she excuses herself to rush to the bathroom and re-emerged looking redder and sweaty (as if she has just vomited you know the two fingers shoved into her gullet but shhhh !).

 Discreet waiters are quietly instructed to carry off her left-over grub away. The rumor on the street is that she’s found a favorite up-and-comer to hang out with. The problem with the new friend is that he is underage, although no stranger to trouble.

The celeb is not a very good influence and has got the kid back into drugs, wild partying and running with a dangerous crowd. The friendship was originally cooked up to boost the fame for both involved and now has developed into a destructive cycle for each.

NO STUNT THIS!

Kya hua what happened? Well the stuntman is refusing to jump off the ninth floor of the building onto the moving car!! That’s what’s happened. In Bollywood it’s unheard of for stuntman to say no. But apparently they have got wind of the fact that they have rights too. The stunt was to be for a mega budget film with an A listed superstar, known for his super action packed roles, in the lead. The star has a penchant of calling himself the real ‘MARD’ among the Bollywood heroes and has a whole list of dangerous stunts chalked out for his stuntman. It’s common knowledge that the star is addicted to action packed Korean films.

So when the stuntman refused to do the extremely dangerous stunt the action director was stumped and every trick in the trade was tried to coax the stuntman (one of the best in the business) to do the job but the pragmatic man would not budge wasting a whole lot of production time.

At this the star went berserk and roared at the hapless stuntman in front of the whole crew:

‘—what is he mad? He can’t refuse – I have to jump I mean the Hero has to be shown jumping— he he has to jump!!'

‘That ******* bahut tantaa kar raha hai ! He says he will not do without harnesses—we haven’t got them yet—

Not who will tell this stuck up star that ab woh zamana nahin that you say ‘jump’ and someone will jump!  

Last heard the star and producer threatening the man with:

‘—Tell that **** he can forget his insurance claims the job for his brother heck he can forget he has a job at all tell him—

BAAP RE BAAP

Even before his first film is out this non-photogenic star kid (psst they are still kids at 45 naa but this one is bonafide bachha) …so chalo he has spent crores(of his papa’s hard earned maal) on his personal styling. He is still far from photogenic but then indulgent yesteryear red blooded superstar Papa, with plenty of dough, will do whatever it takes for his darling ‘jigad ka tukra’. So star baba capped his teeth lost his spring chicken cheeks surgically and almost overnight acquired a V shaped body which stunned his friends. And now his hair has gone noticeably thicker. On how the limpy hair acquired a life of their own his new set of lips are sealed. His jealous friend bitched behind his back that star baba is looking so different he is now having to get new set of obviously designer pictures, clicked for his car and passport. Papa has now made it very clear to the director that:

‘I don’t want a cute film. I don’t care for godly talent. Just make me a monster hit.. and my son a superstar. The whole bollywood is rooting for him— he roared !’ and is dictating the cast opposite his son.

The director let out the truth on the not very photogenic star kid’s prospect  

‘What the sad pathetic joke—he looks bad from every angle—except A VERY long shot!’

Chalo so …the director was sent knocking at the door of a top stunning actress(star baba’s favourite actress) to do a dhamaakedaar item number in the film but the actress wanted an unheard of obscene amount of money to fob them off. The director gagged but on the star struck insistence Papa has agreed and the top actress is now in a dilemma.  

BY HOOK OR BY CROOK

‘I can tell you IT’S A the great idea. Just this I have a great great red hot idea. I will tell you my idea just let me get hold of the ****’s script’ 

This is how every conversation worth a dollar is starting in Bollywood to say. Everyone wants an in into this maha film being adapted from the ‘golden’ script of this author who achieved almost overnight success(dont ask me how).
Chalo…so a mega film with a mega cast is being prepared already billed a super-duper-blockbuster. The author is neck deep in personal invites from superstars thirsting for a role. Dont ask me who but this top heroine, known for her thumkas, has been non-stop on the phone with the author trying to call him to her personal soirees. The author though flattered is also being courted by a rival camp and does not have the gumption to say no to anyone. The thing is the author has personal favourites, a handsome top actor and talented masaledaar actress who he thinks will do complete justice to the roles. But Mr moneybags producer, who is not on speaking terms with either,  has made it clear that the buck starts and stops with him. The author is now being politely told that he should be happy(and thankful) that his name will feature prominently in the credits. The shit thing is that the poor author is facing the flak. Last heard a top actress bitching….  

‘I sent my secy to him he sent her back with a note scribbled ‘forget it’ its my film no one tells me forget it! Do kaudi ka writer frigging off his rocker ,.he just does not acknowledge the letters I send him—

HAR EK PRODUCER KAMINA HOTA HAI

She is talented, stunning and equally volatile actress. An A list star had the hots for her and maamla got so serious that star’s equally fiery biwi lost it and made sure the actress lost out on plum projects and never worked with her hubby again. Don’t ask me how but her e mail account was recently hacked with half her friends getting nasty emails before it was shut down. But I digress. So while ‘He’ is out grazing on new and fresh pastures, the emotionally strung and pissed of actress has gone positively flaky with outlandish demands for her latest film. 

Miss Heroine is demanding that the Moneybags producer, who is a friend of her ‘Ex’, should book her into a nearby suburban luxury hotel so she can get her beauty sleep. But the skinflint producer is not giving her the time of the day. Stay with the rest of the cast on the set or in your van – He hollered at her in front of the crew! And this has left the heroine fuming and extremely displeased. She is bitching to everyone about the producers’ battle with the bulge laced with unprintable expletives. The actress is complaining that she has to shoot at night and cant sleepin the days because its noisy outside and alleged she had some peeping toms scaring her. So she wants her family to be put in with her in a luxury suite. Needless to say the producer threw her demand out and told her to deal with it. The actress is shocked since she has come to know that another heroine had been provided luxury hotel accommodation by the same producer.