FAMOUS FOR BEING FAMOUS

When you think about it this skinny celeb is really famous for being famous. She is a regular at most parties but its funny how she refuses to touch her meal at every do. And god forbid if some delectable morsel happens to finds its way into her rosebud mouth she excuses herself to rush to the bathroom and re-emerged looking redder and sweaty (as if she has just vomited you know the two fingers shoved into her gullet but shhhh !).

 Discreet waiters are quietly instructed to carry off her left-over grub away. The rumor on the street is that she’s found a favorite up-and-comer to hang out with. The problem with the new friend is that he is underage, although no stranger to trouble.

The celeb is not a very good influence and has got the kid back into drugs, wild partying and running with a dangerous crowd. The friendship was originally cooked up to boost the fame for both involved and now has developed into a destructive cycle for each.

MOMMA DONT PREACH !

Meet Sridevi's daughter Jhanvi Kapoor. She is supremely lovely poses like a true professional (we think with a momma like Sridevi would you expect any less!! ) At IIFA 2013 Frenzied flashbulbs went off to catch her glimpse...and SHE ...perfectly poised, polished head to foot, hair expensively done up (with every strand in fashionable place) and in her red-carpet(ughhh ...ok ..its Greeen carpet !) shimmering debutant designer dress the lovely Jhanvi Kapoor flashed her pearly whites untiringly. 

So we were taken aback when she unexpectedly shied away like a lamb under fire when we said 'hello'. The truth ..?? .ALAS... the lovely lass is not allowed to talk to the press YET. Does momma Sridevi plan a grand coming out of her daughter, befitting a future Kapoor star( we assume thats where she is heading given all the grooming).

Our Advise -- Please Momma SriDevi.. cut your daughter some slack. After all you have been there and done that, too and come out strong and stunning. Surely a simple HELLO to the media would not dark cloud on your baby girl's silver lining?! 

MOVE ON LADY

She is not getting any younger. The actress (an egoistic wife of a big star) known at one time for her incredible talent and equally formidable temper tantrums is feeling rather lost. While her older peers (with perfect family lives and kids thank you) have managed enviable comebacks, she has only managed to piss people off with her rude attitude. She is ruing her past behaviour (with some B list directors who have become A list) but it’s a bit too late in the day. The talented actress had refused some good roles (one even went to her cousin) claiming the roles were not perfect for her. Of course she made it a point to bitch to everyone within an earshot that the roles were first offered to her. Her superstar co-actors have moved on to younger and fresher ladies. And sadly even the veneer of a perfect family picture (which she was hiding behind) has been cracking for some time. She canNOT be aware of people snickering behind her back so she avoids the parties, not that she is being called to the really happening ones. Her husband’s fallout with a superstar did not win her any brownie points. Though she is still young but her big ego stops her from really going out and getting roles with meat. She stubbornly won’t go to them and the roles won’t come to her and though she would laugh out loud and sarcastically but her life has hit a big fat black hole. After all that much of pilates and treadmill can start jarring and one needs to do something more. Quick advice to her at:

1. FORGET sexy heroine roles

2. LET GO the A list superstars to those little girls (what do they know!)

3. EAT your ego for dinner

4. DO roles which do justice to that incredibly raw talent within you. 

HER ‘STALKER’ FAN

She is still reeling from the shock of it. This beautiful actress cannot forget the feeling of utter helplessness and rage when she was almost groped publicly in a mall. The ‘maniac’ as she calls him had tried to get friendly at a press conference and mistaking her friendly gestures as something 'more' the obsessed man started stalking her at city events. She had not noticed him at first and then when he was pointed out she thought he was just a harmless fan albeit a touch zealous. Till the ‘harmless’ fan turned out to be anything but! It happened at a mall when after a media photo-op she was signing some fans’ autographs when she felt someone standing too close to her. She looked up to see the strange bulky man(her harmless fan!) close enough to touch her face and when she signaled to her PR in alarm, the ‘fan’ smiled at her and moved out but only after casually touching her hairn she swears. The actress stood frozen in the spot and was terribly shaken at the security lapse, but she is miffed at reports that the man posing as a media-person was spotted trying to get hold of her private number. The fallout of the incident is that the actress still terrified over the incident has put her foot down against attending any events at malls as she has absolutely no intention to put herself in a similar situation any time soon.  

HER DOUBLE JEOPARDY

Its no secret this smoking hot entry into Bollywood has been seen in the company of a dashing superstar, who has an eye for pretty young things. Problem is she is also formed a deep connection (the kind other than professional they swear) with a director known for his noir films. Lately the director has taken to flying off the handle at the mention of the name of the young superstar. Insiders say the director has been made aware of the actress’s ‘dalliances’ so that he would stop making a fool of himself over her. But such is his addiction to the young hottie that instead of cutting off from the girl the director has given an ultimatum to the girl to ‘stop seeing’ the superstar actor accusing her of becoming lazy, uninterested and distracted from work. No one needs to spell it out that can kiss the meaty roles he had promised her in his new film goodbye if she continues her dalliance. The young girl is shocked as she has been attending acting and voice training workshops suggested by the director himself to prepare her for the grand role and does not want to jeopardize her ‘special connection’ with the famous director. Nor does she want to endanger her ‘true friendship’ with the superstar actor as she says has ‘selflessly helped her’ in making her feel at home in a city which was completely new to her. Our heart goes out to the poor lassie, really hoping the cherub faced stunner finds a way out of her entanglements.

 

CASTING 'OUCH'

There are hush hush whispers linking him to two of his much-older co-stars (one of them married). This dishy young and upcoming star has meanwhile quietly gone out and found himself a new and very young and very rich girlfriend. She, the daughter of a diamond merchant, has considerable funds and leads a lavish lifestyle. Her much married father has bought a slew of talent-management and events company is himself linked to a prominent yesteryears actress. The young heiress now wants a glitzy filmy career of her own and we hear her moneybags father is willing to fund if this young actor stars opposite her. But the actor's little fling has not gone unnoticed by either of his older co-stars. While one of the ladies is happy playing the ignoramus (rumours say she is herself playing the field) the other powerful actress has threatened the young upcoming actor in no uncertain terms to stop his little fling or else. The actor is nervous as he does not want to upset the older actress who has powerful contacts with big producers and many say is his ticket to several meaty projects (but they are mostly in multi-starrer films) but also feels he needs this big solo debut. Now the word on the street is that the temperamental richie rich girl friend has become extremely possessive of her boyfriend and has loudly claimed that she would ''teach that buddhi a lesson'' when she meets her next time. Caught between the powerful older actress and the younger daughter of a powerful man the actor is having sleepless nights. The actor is being pressed to decide on the matter before an ugly public spat happens.

HER SHADY PAST

For stars to launch their sons and daughters and all sorts of relatives is but fait accompli in Bollywood. This stunning superstar with an enviable track record at the box office despite her laughable dialogue deliveries and average acting abilities is hell-bent on launching her pretty sister in a Hindi film with a ‘respectable’ star. Now, lil sister did have an unintentional soft launch of sorts, in the form of a no-holds barred MMS clip with a firangi porn star. The MMS clip became quite a hit on the net. The superstar big sister went blue in the face claiming that-girl-is-not-my-sister-but-someone-who-looks-like-her, not that anyone is buying. Now big sister is nothing of not focused. So the gorgeous superstar has now taken to pressing on her immensely powerful superstar boyfriend to deal with the matter just like he did with her old follies from her desperate starlet waala days( like getting that Bollywood baddie's nose stuck in her cleavage type crass scenes chopped from her film, etecetras) Nobody talks about it in front of her but everybody whispers behind her back about lots of arm twisting and pots of money. Now with little sister’s shady past catching up with her the superstarni is scared of all the badnaami lest it has a fallout on her new relation with a young superstar from a blue blooded Bollywood family. Now serious attempts

are being made to BUY the lil sister's shocking footage from the dubious films (yup she did several) before they make their way into the market. Rumour has it she will do whatever it takes to hide the shady pasts, but as they say, skeletons have a way of coming out of the closet.

WHAT AILS 'JALEBI BAI'

Jalebi Bai astonishes us beyond belief. No its not her crude raunchy dance moves this time motor mouth Mallika Sherawat has left us stupefied with her bizarre utterings. The barely clad damsel at Cannes (no less!) went against her own country hammer and tongs calling India a 'repressive' society for women. She also expressed deep angst claiming to be 'depressed' being an Indian woman!! In a heavy accent Mallika passionately claimed to be the first Indian actress to 'kiss' as well as 'wear a bikini' on screen. Which, she said made her 'instantly' a 'fallen woman' and a 'superstar'. Now the Murder girl’s utterings have deeply offended superstar Priyanka Chopra. Priyanka has expressed deep annoyance at Mallika’s comments which she feels is an 'extreme misrepresentation of India'.  So while Mallika feels that women in India are at the bottom of the society we wonder which India is the once-married Haryana girl from an ultra-conservative Jatt family referring to?? This is the same Mallika who was accused of running away to America when her scandalous MMS went viral on the net. The case of the 'depressed' and 'repressed' Jalebi Bai gets even more curious as Mallika Sherawat is set to wed a 'repressive' Indian man in a new reality TV show!!  Miss Mallika is searching for an Indian groom in a new reality shaadi show (aka Rakhi Sawant etc ) don’t ask why but ways of the mallika only mallika knows. Or Maybe Repression pays better? Yeah Mallika?

BADTAMEEZ HEROINE

She has several super hits behind her, courtesy the A lister actors who carried the film on their shoulders. But this star daughter, who loves to mention her family connections at the drop of a hat and looks older than her twenty something years, has developed such a massive Diva - Complex which could put Paris Hilton to shame!! After modelling herself on the 'perfect Indian woman' prototype the well-endowed Bollywood’s bharatiya nari has taken to looking down on anyone in a short skirt or a bikini (rumour has it she is not allowed to wear either as papa dear knows the ways of the big bad industry). Fresh dictates that her staff suffix a reverential 'JI'  (when they interact with her) amuses us but what gets our goat is that she has started looking down on other actresses who are not as 'pedigreed' . At this glitzy event when this diva star daughter discovered that she was supposed to share the stage with a talented young (though famously hyper strung) actress she got miffed beyond belief and stubbornly she refused to step out of her vanity van. The star daughter was very irritated that the organizers had not 'warned' her that she would be sharing the stage with 'that' actress.

The organizers pleaded with the angry young actress to relent as her name had been announced on stage but the star daughter ji would simply not budge. Matters came to a head when she lost her cool and threw a terrible tantrum and inadvertently even let out the infamous 'Don't-you-know-I-am-a-Superstar' line' and 'you-know-who-my-father-is-naa' ! Facing public humiliation the disgusted organizers finally made frantic calls to her papa 'ji' . But Papa ji proved to be more stubborn than Beti ji. In the midst of all this tamasha the star daughter left the venue without meeting anyone. We think a lesson in humility, dollops of good manners , maybe a finishing school on 'tameez' (surely papa ji can afford?) would help the otherwise nice girl to become the perfect bharatiya nari she claims to be.  

SUNNY VS VEENA

This scandalous import from across the border obviously does not like it Sunny side up! Though Pakistani actress and item girl Veena Malik’s smoking hot moves may be causing even her most hard core fans to cringe in discomfort Veena has accused the hottie port star Sunny of being a 'publicity hungry hound' and ready to do 'anything' for money. That she herself has done more than just shaking her booty in fishnet stockings and little else and has even managed to get a charge filed against her for defaming Pakistan and ISI by doing a semi-nude photo shoot for an Indian magazine is obviously a lesser crime in than what 'that porn star' does for a living. On being quizzed about how she feels on Sunny Leone becoming the hottest in demand flavor after her too hot for Indian television 'Laila' item number in Shootout at Wadala, which made Priyanka Chopra appear virginal in Babli Badmash and even hottie Sophie Chaudhary's hard core moves paled in comparison, Veena simply turns up her nose. Veena hotly says you cannot compare her to Sunny Leone who is a porn star. But  Veena Malika won’t mind if you compare her with Katrina Kaif who is also 'like her' a serious model turned actress from abroad who has come to Mumbai to make her mark.

EK THI DAAYAN

She was getting ready backstage for her item dance at the recently held award show close to table fans with water drizzlers placed to douse the heat. The ACs were not working so she stayed close to the fans so that her makeup did not run.  

‘Its really hot. Can’t we have this ac up?’ yelled the angry young stunning item girl(and actress) barging into the room hot and flushed after her robust dance. The young thing, one of the showstoppers of the award night, was pissed with the cramped quarters and threw loud tantrums about being a ‘big heroine' and not used to such ‘crap treatment’ and they’d better do something or she would ‘leave the shitty award show’. ‘arrey yeh kya c**** event hai ! I am boiling do something!! You idiots don't know how to manage an event—

‘Madam pls—’ The bewildered organisers failed to placate the heroine who was getting angrier by the minute.  

‘How come Mr superstar hero has his ac working?? I know you people. Actresses ko c***** samajhtey ho? Listen I am going to barge into his room if you don’t fix this and blame it all on you—

While the event organisers scampered about to get the AC started and arrange for more table fans (bitchily labelling her a daayan behind her back !!)  they could not help comparing her with the other chilled out actress an epitome of grace and style sitting quietly in her corner and not acting pricey or throwing her weight. Matters came to a head when a bunch of young junior artist in shiny golden underwear-shorts and bustiers barged in as their was no electricity in their backstage room. There was utter confusion backstage. Junior artistes rushed round stumbling, tripping, half naked. The angry young actress now totally lost her cool and started yelling shooing the girlswhen the organisers intervened saying a special room had been arranged for her. Her makeup streaking the angry young thing stamped out of the room saying she was leaving and they could get some ''other Daayan'' to finish the act!! Obviously the actress had overheard the uncomplimentary remarks against her. The organisers now totally in a soup were bailed out by the chilled out actress who agreed to fill the spot left vacant as she had earlier performed on the same dance. Floored by Miss Congeniality the organisers were by now totally impressed with the cool actress’s supercool demeanour when suddenly angry shouts were heard coming out from the room punctured by the choicest of abuses.   

‘I want double the money now—or no dance. What do you take me for? A c***** daayan? Paisa do tamasha dekho.’ She said determinedly her perfect Miss congeniality smile still intact. 

NO STUNT THIS!

Kya hua what happened? Well the stuntman is refusing to jump off the ninth floor of the building onto the moving car!! That’s what’s happened. In Bollywood it’s unheard of for stuntman to say no. But apparently they have got wind of the fact that they have rights too. The stunt was to be for a mega budget film with an A listed superstar, known for his super action packed roles, in the lead. The star has a penchant of calling himself the real ‘MARD’ among the Bollywood heroes and has a whole list of dangerous stunts chalked out for his stuntman. It’s common knowledge that the star is addicted to action packed Korean films.

So when the stuntman refused to do the extremely dangerous stunt the action director was stumped and every trick in the trade was tried to coax the stuntman (one of the best in the business) to do the job but the pragmatic man would not budge wasting a whole lot of production time.

At this the star went berserk and roared at the hapless stuntman in front of the whole crew:

‘—what is he mad? He can’t refuse – I have to jump I mean the Hero has to be shown jumping— he he has to jump!!'

‘That ******* bahut tantaa kar raha hai ! He says he will not do without harnesses—we haven’t got them yet—

Not who will tell this stuck up star that ab woh zamana nahin that you say ‘jump’ and someone will jump!  

Last heard the star and producer threatening the man with:

‘—Tell that **** he can forget his insurance claims the job for his brother heck he can forget he has a job at all tell him—

BY HOOK OR BY CROOK

‘I can tell you IT’S A the great idea. Just this I have a great great red hot idea. I will tell you my idea just let me get hold of the ****’s script’ 

This is how every conversation worth a dollar is starting in Bollywood to say. Everyone wants an in into this maha film being adapted from the ‘golden’ script of this author who achieved almost overnight success(dont ask me how).
Chalo…so a mega film with a mega cast is being prepared already billed a super-duper-blockbuster. The author is neck deep in personal invites from superstars thirsting for a role. Dont ask me who but this top heroine, known for her thumkas, has been non-stop on the phone with the author trying to call him to her personal soirees. The author though flattered is also being courted by a rival camp and does not have the gumption to say no to anyone. The thing is the author has personal favourites, a handsome top actor and talented masaledaar actress who he thinks will do complete justice to the roles. But Mr moneybags producer, who is not on speaking terms with either,  has made it clear that the buck starts and stops with him. The author is now being politely told that he should be happy(and thankful) that his name will feature prominently in the credits. The shit thing is that the poor author is facing the flak. Last heard a top actress bitching….  

‘I sent my secy to him he sent her back with a note scribbled ‘forget it’ its my film no one tells me forget it! Do kaudi ka writer frigging off his rocker ,.he just does not acknowledge the letters I send him—

HAR EK PRODUCER KAMINA HOTA HAI

She is talented, stunning and equally volatile actress. An A list star had the hots for her and maamla got so serious that star’s equally fiery biwi lost it and made sure the actress lost out on plum projects and never worked with her hubby again. Don’t ask me how but her e mail account was recently hacked with half her friends getting nasty emails before it was shut down. But I digress. So while ‘He’ is out grazing on new and fresh pastures, the emotionally strung and pissed of actress has gone positively flaky with outlandish demands for her latest film. 

Miss Heroine is demanding that the Moneybags producer, who is a friend of her ‘Ex’, should book her into a nearby suburban luxury hotel so she can get her beauty sleep. But the skinflint producer is not giving her the time of the day. Stay with the rest of the cast on the set or in your van – He hollered at her in front of the crew! And this has left the heroine fuming and extremely displeased. She is bitching to everyone about the producers’ battle with the bulge laced with unprintable expletives. The actress is complaining that she has to shoot at night and cant sleepin the days because its noisy outside and alleged she had some peeping toms scaring her. So she wants her family to be put in with her in a luxury suite. Needless to say the producer threw her demand out and told her to deal with it. The actress is shocked since she has come to know that another heroine had been provided luxury hotel accommodation by the same producer.