HAR EK FRIEND KAMINA HOTA HAI

There is a taaza new entry to the Mumbai tagda paisa-waali aunty club, populated by richie rich producers’ and biggie stars’ shined to perfection wives(never a wrinkle dare darken their splendid smooth visage). Now the swish women are not ready to let the interloper, lets call her Switty (yes sweety but like tzhat!), into their ozoned existence but the behenji-turned babe from Punjab will not take no for an answer. The cruel A lister swish women are having a ball at her expense making fun of her english, calling her everything from wannabe behenji to all agriculture but no culture variety and some rather below the skirt expletives about the age disparity between her and her distributor husband. Well Switty Aunty is nothing if not Focussed.

She believes she had the mega-moolah and that alone gives her right to be part of the hip gang. Switty thought she just needed to break the ice somewhat so she sent expensive chased silver invites to diamond-dripping card parties and mehendi ceremonies at swanky watering holes and baby showers and baby fashion shows with sparkling kids on display at the plushest restro-bars, the most exclusive night clubs.

She even had a dog shows, a Halloween party at an A-list discotheques, till one of the Bombay waali rich and swish auntie set bitched on twitter that she sweared she heard Switty say that  Halloween had something to do with ‘Jessus’.  Whell it so happened that the behneji from Punjab who happened to be following all of them ladies on twitter( they actually dint imagine her to be ‘hip’enough to be on twitter) read every bitchy tweet about her and her icecream making and pastry-making competitions!! So what did our Switty do? She laid low for some time and came back with such a whopper revenge that axed her harassers in one swift blow! We also got the invite ..to her ‘goodluck at Cannes party!!’. Yes we too are gobsmacked !! Mrs Switty has been invited to the Canne film festival courtesy her husband’s film. Last heard the swish A lister aunties are scrambling for invites to the do.

You Know Who I AM ?

‘Parrrrrty in the day. Parrrrrty at night! Mazaaaa hai. Who were you with last night?’ Tauba I tell you ! There is no dearth of jokers at these filmy parties. This one was supposed to be different as we were all asked to dress in ‘traditional’ Indian attire(stunning sabyasachi and nehla khan and manish malhotra and sumeet arora sarees, while the men were immaculately dressed in Zardozis, Jodhpuri bandhgalas and silk sherwanis). And then there was this huge big mystery over the name of the chief guest of the shaam. And then the usual jokers which populate every party..!

‘Hey hottie! I have heard after John Abraham you are also going to insure your butt—

  

‘Well its my butt naa so what difference does it make if I insure my butt—’ My rebuttal was interrupted by the hyperventilating hostess who shrieked into the mike the name of her chief guest a reticent BIG star from South who she claimed to be a great fan of. So lots of ooohs and aahs and jealous swipes and disbelieving stares were directed at he hostess who was CLEARLY in seventh heaven at having swung such a coup de grace. Her party would now be the talked about affair of the season. But since there was time for the superstar to arrive the guests partook in the seekh kababs and continental salads to frozen fresh-fruit desserts and rum-soaked éclairs and sour pork ( which I avoided), glutinous rice, raw-fish curries and deep-fried pudding made you gag. But it was the free booze and cigar counter that was the biggest hit. Champagne and daiquiris, chiantis and clarets..ahhh. I  lavish food and juicy bitching and what fun naa….—the guests were having too much of a good time to bother about the fact that the chief show stopper was very late.

The merry evening was interrupted by a commotion at the entry. Apparently there was a big tamasha over a group of people who were trying to enter the venue but were being pushed out. But these were no ordinary gate crashers…I guessed when I saw the hostess her face a strange shade of beet root red galloping towards the door faster than I have seen anyone her size sprint. She had reason too. The gentleman who had been blocked entry was the reticent superstar from south who had attended the soiree in simple kurta pyjama minus his WIG and his bodyguards !! Well you cant blame anyone naa for not recognising him considering how even piddly middle rung bollywood stars wont be seen without a fleshy ring of mean looking boncers nowadays – well the sad fallout of the evening which had begun with such promise was that the gentleman superstar(yes there are those kinds too!!) wished his hostess a polite goodnight and walked off leaving the hostess in tears. Tcchch tchhh the bouncers need to watch films beyond bodyguard and dabang.