Thursday, 18 April 2013

The Lowdown

The red carpet was swimming with stars and tv actor turned stars. Stylish don juans and pretty dilettantes in LBDs accompanied by and me-too-star type sisters in designer rip offs trailed by gushing mummies and paunchy papas and arm candies and ugly eyesores wearing don’t ask me what. It was the premier of a film and the antsy media was tired of waiting for the stars when in walked this young and pretty (but hopelessly big boned) actress who is desperately trying to make her mark in bollywood.

‘How manly she looks! I think she should lay off the bodybuilding!!’ someone’s voice rang out clearly and the young actress’s pretty smile froze though she cleverly tried to pretend she hadn’t heard the remark. Her recent addiction to size zero has left her all skin and angular and the media is without mercy. What surprised all was how the young actress was hanging on to this yesteryears’ hero today reduced to a puffy profile (from years alcohol abuse).

‘Look who she is tumbling in with! where did she find him ? and Kya pehna hai? Looks like a chaddar !’

The yesteryear’s hero was trying too hard (and failing) to get the (clearly not interested) media’s attention with his stale jokes and old film dialogues while the brave young actress kept a frozen grin firmly on her face. While the media ran to take bites from other lesser tv celebrities the two were mostly ignored and the young actress was looking pretty left out. But suddenly the scene changed and the media swarmed around the surprised actress and her delighted escort taking pictures pan shots zoom ins. ‘Can we get two minutes?’’ aapka fashion statement kya hai ?’ ‘just one shot shir .. one shot maam’.

In fact the media surge was so much that the massive rusty black barricade in front of them seemed to be bursting at the seams.

‘I lurrrve to be herrre,’ the pretty young actress proceeded to say in a dulcet tones when inadvertently a reporter revealed to her the reason for the sudden burst of media activity. The unaware yesteryears Hero’s designer dress’s designer fly was open!!! And what looked like underwear was clearly visible. The actress gagged and obviously having had enough left the scene in a hurry leaving the hero looking confused till some members of the media gave him the lowdown!!!